Sunday, January 6, 2013

fear and imperfection adventure

narrow over harpeth

So I'm fairly afraid of heights. This mostly doesn't get in the way. I'm OK enough that I can get up on the roof to clean out the gutters. I have no problems with driving over bridges, flying in airplanes, or being in tall buildings. But out in the open, with no railings, I'm seriously acrophobic.

I love that Rodg is so interested in hiking these days, but whereas I tend to stick to earthbound trails, part of the fun for him is taking the camera along. And what's more photogenic than a view? So as you saw, last weekend we hit a local trail and all was well, until we came around the side of the lake overview and the trail literally turned into something from my nightmares, with seeming sharp drop-offs on both sides. Rodg is pretty much just as afraid of heights as I am, but the lure of a good photo makes him a bit braver. Still, he was very nice about our turning around and going back down the trail.

But the moment stuck with me and unearthed an interesting core belief I seem to have - that I should be able to do anything. Less than that is really unacceptable. And so we hit my perfectionism once again. And my inability to laugh kindly at myself or show self-compassion. It was when I was talking with Joe on Thursday that he mentioned that as an Enneagram Type Seven, under stress I go to the compulsive side of Type One - perfectionism.

That was a good insight to have that day, especially when the universe provided a follow-up message about perfectionism in the form of a kind, young police officer who pulled me over and asked if I was aware that my registration had expired (in November!). I was really surprised, because I remembered getting the new stickers, which I then pulled out of my glove compartment, attached to said new registration - oops!

Thank God it was at this point that my sense of humor was returned to me. Mostly because I'd totally ridden poor Rodg about putting the stickers on his plates back in August. My imperfection was totally not lost on me, as well as a little hypocrisy thrown in for good measure. Ah, off the pedestal again! It always feels so much better to be on the ground, but I hate the fall.

feeling the fear
Looking terrified (and a little triumphant) way up high above the Harpeth today - I love how nature seems to have my back...