Saturday, March 24, 2012

numb adventure

Homo Arboretum by Mathilde Roussel

As I continue my Joy Adventure, I'm also struck by how numb I am a lot of the time. Even while doing things I know bring me a lot of pleasure I can feel like I'm just going through the motions. So this week I've been exploring that. Sometimes it feels like I'm just not paying enough attention and really being there and sometimes no matter how "there" I am, I still can't tap into any kind of emotional response.

I've noticed that those are great times to bring in the gratitude tool. No matter what's going on in my life there's always some aspect of it I can feel grateful for and then instead of greedily shoving little nuggets of happiness into my joy satchel it shines out larger than life and of its own accord.

Also, these days I'm playing with just setting the dial for joy, love, and appreciation and not pushing so much for it, not striving so much. I can feel how much I push and manipulate and control. I think part of the numbness is just exhaustion. So I'm also exploring surrender and simply picturing that I'm turning a dial for connection and not putting my foot on the gas. Just seeing what comes to me.

And that's when the numb adventure becomes the grace adventure.

cherry blossoms