film love experiment

This week I was finally able to snap this photo that's been haunting me for a couple of weeks. I walk past this little combination of shapes and life in the morning when I get off the bus, but I'm usually with other people and don't feel I can whip out my camera and take the time I'd like. But the perfect opportunity arose this past week and once I had my camera out, everything became outrageously beautiful to me. Capturing simple, everyday beauty is definitely a true love of mine.


I also came down with one of the various bugs floating around these days, but I think I got off easy. Still I was laid low yesterday and the only thing that really worked for me was napping and watching movies on my Kindle Fire. (Oh, definitely that little gizmo is another true love of mine!) I watched a few little independent-type movies you might enjoy - consistently solid performances from wonderful actors and stories of alienation, longing, and connection. In other words, real life: The Giant Mechanical Man, Goats, and Take This Waltz. And today, while I'm much better, but still needing some rest, I watched the lovely Salmon Fishing in the Yemen on DVD. Oh, it's not news to any of you how much I love movies!

And some things never change. Even though I didn't handle film for any of these things I truly love, I'm still a girl who calls a CD a record. Heck, at this point even a CD is old school, isn't it?

true love experiment week 1

page/duke's "star" garden
Here are some things I truly loved this past week:

1. Listening to jazz - I'm super lucky to live in a house with a fabulous collection and to be married to a wonderful man who loves it as much as I do (after I had to listen behind closed doors growing up). Nothing makes me feel as at-home in the world as good jazz (ie Miles Davis, Wayne Shorter, John Coltrane, Eric Dolphy, Mingus, Charlie Parker, Bobby Hutcherson, Andrew Hill, Sun Ra, etc.).

2. Finding an awesome chiropractor and suddenly being so much more at ease in my body - I hadn't even noticed how stiffly I'd been holding myself, probably for years.

3. Seeing this sea of sparkles at the Antiques & Garden show - thanks Page/Duke and Albert Hadley for the inspiration.

This is a pretty rich practice, so I'm going to extend it to be a month-long experiment, rather than just a week. I'm looking forward to seeing what this week brings!

experiment adventure

As I'm exploring the theme of TRUE in my life this year, I think I may change my approach here for a while. I've loved my adventures, but there's something about TRUE that is feeling more like an experiment. Perhaps the seed was planted when a dear friend mentioned Gandhi's Story of My Experiments with Truth. It was a bargain in the Kindle store today and I can't wait to really dig in. I loved reading this in his Introduction:

I simply want to tell the story of my numerous experiments with truth, and as my life consists of nothing but those experiments, it is true that the story will take the shape of an autobiography. But I shall not mind if every page of it speaks only of my experiments. I believe, or at any rate flatter myself with the belief, that a connected account of all these experiments will not be without benefit to the reader. My experiments in the political field are now known, not only in India, but to a certain extent to the "civilized" world. For me, they have not much value; and the title of Mahatma that they have won for me has, therefore, even less. Often the title has deeply pained me; and there is not a moment I can recall when it may be said to have tickled me. But I should certainly like to narrate my experiments in the spiritual field which are known only to myself, and from which I have derived such power as I possess for working in the political field. If the experiments are really spiritual, then there can be no room for self-praise. They can only add to my humility. The more I reflect and look back on the past, the more vividly do I feel my limitations.

If this makes you want to play along, the experiment for this week comes from Natalie Goldberg's wonderful book Wild Mind:

A writer I know who is now in her sixties told me that in her late twenties, she had a nervous breakdown because she didn't know who she was. She moved to New York City from the rural South, and she was estranged from her family. She wandered down Thirty-fourth Street, completely lost. She said she found a therapist who slowly, over three years, saved her life. In the very first session of her therapy, the therapist asked her to find one thing that she liked, just for herself, not because her mother said it was good or the South said it was good or because she wanted to impress a New Yorker. Finally, by the end of the hour, she came up with one thing. She knew, irretrievably, just for herself, that she honestly liked the taste of chocolate. From that one pleasure, she and the therapist began the construction of an authentic life.

Don't you love that? And as my intention for my One Little Word class for February is to explore True Love, I will spend the week making a list of all the things I truly love, just for myself, and will share them here next weekend. You're more than welcome to join me!

And now I'll leave you with a collage I did today, exploring the theme of TRUE. As you can see, it involves deep inner listening...

nourishment adventure

I'm one of those lucky souls who has a great relationship with their siblings. These two amazing people are so dear to my heart it makes me teary on a regular basis. And I had the delightful good fortune to get to spend this past weekend with them, which doesn't happen too often since we're spread all over the globe. Today I'm feeling so full up from time with them and my sister's wonderful family, from time away from the regular bourgeois stresses and strains of my life, and likely from time away from a lot of the technology that distracts me. Once again, I've been in the lovely travel zone of in-the-moment. Plus, I read two Sun magazines and caught up on my sleep. Ah! And now it feels so great to be home with my sweetie. Hooray for travel and hooray for coming home!

hibernation adventure

While the weather during this long weekend has been lovely - bright blue skies every day - and we had the best of intentions to hit a local trail with all our new gear, somehow the charm of staying cozy and warm in our sweet home won out. I feel like a slumbering bear being nourished, not by layers of fat in this case, but by all the lovely books and movies that I gathered in 2012. Here's a list of some of the goodness I've been delighted and inspired by lately: Wild Mind, Writing for My Life, My Sister's Sister, The Five-Year Engagement, Jeff Who Lives at Home, and Wild Target. What's nourishing you these days?

ground adventure

It was a good week on the ground, with lots of opportunities for practice. It's easy for me to get sucked into mental spin, but I'm so grateful for all the teachings that are available in these modern days, especially this lovely book by Pema I finished this week: Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change. So when I get caught in obsessive thinking, I've been stopping, feeling my feet on the ground (this always feels great), following my breath being breathed, and thinking "Stay, stay." When I'm back in the present moment, life is always manageable and I just do the next thing. There's so much to enjoy and love in the world around me, once I'm out of my head, which likes to suck me into this:

fear and imperfection adventure

So I'm fairly afraid of heights. This mostly doesn't get in the way. I'm OK enough that I can get up on the roof to clean out the gutters. I have no problems with driving over bridges, flying in airplanes, or being in tall buildings. But out in the open, with no railings, I'm seriously acrophobic.

I love that Rodg is so interested in hiking these days, but whereas I tend to stick to earthbound trails, part of the fun for him is taking the camera along. And what's more photogenic than a view? So as you saw, last weekend we hit a local trail and all was well, until we came around the side of the lake overview and the trail literally turned into something from my nightmares, with seeming sharp drop-offs on both sides. Rodg is pretty much just as afraid of heights as I am, but the lure of a good photo makes him a bit braver. Still, he was very nice about our turning around and going back down the trail.

But the moment stuck with me and unearthed an interesting core belief I seem to have - that I should be able to do anything. Less than that is really unacceptable. And so we hit my perfectionism once again. And my inability to laugh kindly at myself or show self-compassion. It was when I was talking with Joe on Thursday that he mentioned that as an Enneagram Type Seven, under stress I go to the compulsive side of Type One - perfectionism.

That was a good insight to have that day, especially when the universe provided a follow-up message about perfectionism in the form of a kind, young police officer who pulled me over and asked if I was aware that my registration had expired (in November!). I was really surprised, because I remembered getting the new stickers, which I then pulled out of my glove compartment, attached to said new registration - oops!

Thank God it was at this point that my sense of humor was returned to me. Mostly because I'd totally ridden poor Rodg about putting the stickers on his plates back in August. My imperfection was totally not lost on me, as well as a little hypocrisy thrown in for good measure. Ah, off the pedestal again! It always feels so much better to be on the ground, but I hate the fall.

Looking terrified (and a little triumphant) way up high above the Harpeth today - I love how nature seems to have my back...